2014

Dear 2013,

You are my favorite year so far.  You brought about new friendships and ushered in many opportunities.  You were like a huge awkward roller coaster full of character development and caffeine binges. 

Sweet 2013, you taught me that true friends are always there for each other, no matter the circumstance.  You also showed me that being there for people -- even when they don't think that they need anyone -- is heartbreaking.

2013, you were full of experiences, and I am thankful for each and every one of them.  Black eyes, first kisses, and new jobs alike. 

Dearest 2013, you made me more spontaneous, and more light hearted.  You some how transformed me into some strange girl that randomly buys pet budgies, chops off more than a foot of hair at once, and wears red lipstick.  I am somehow very okay with this. 

Finally 2013, you showed me that flaws are things that are to be embraced, not conquered -- both in myself and other people.  

Thank you for being such a worthwhile year.  I am now ready to begin dating all of my papers like this: 

oh look i used paint! i am artist! 

And to dear 2014: 

come at me bro. 

~ Abby

of ruts, black eyes, and my quarter life existential crisis

yeah, that's me on the left. apparently elbows and eyes do not mix well in the game of soccer.

I haven't felt up to blogging. Honestly, I've felt like my life has been pretty boring lately. Also, I only felt like talking about frogs. And I'm not sure that many people actually like reading about frogs. Poor frogs.

from a play [young frankenstein]  i danced in. apparently my face has had a thing for being discolored lately.

Basically, I've been caught in a rut. I've been struggling with complacency, both in my personal and spiritual lives, respectively -- and that's not cool. I kind of feel like I have plateaued, and that I am stagnant in a very dull, very in between stage of my life. I know that's not the truth, it's just how I feel.

But I realized tonight that life lately has been anything but boring. My last high school soccer season just ended. I just recently sent in my last college application. Last week I was cast as Belle in a ballet adaption of Beauty and the Beast. Life is actually pretty good.

However, I can't help but feel that the end of an era is drawing near -- at least for me, of course. This time next year I will have moved -- possibly to a different state -- and be in the process of settling into a whole new environment. I will not be seeing my high school friends very often. I will not be attending the same church. I will not be holding the same job.

Those prospects are both exhilarating and terrifying.

a few of my photogenic siblings and I.

From here on out, I am going to be more thankful for where I am. I'm going to do my best to cherish what little time I have left here at home, and I'll be trying not to rush things. I am most definitely not going to let myself be lulled, yet again, into ungratefulness. 

But it is such an easy trap to fall into.

~ Abby

#adulthood

*WARNING: TERRIBLE IPHONE PICTURES AHEAD. READER DISCRETION ADVISED.*

I turned eighteen a little over a month ago, which apparently means that I am an adult. Scary, no? 

Anyway, June and July have kind of been a huge adjusting time for me. My parents sort of ceased parenting me after my birthday. It's really weird. I have all the freedom in the world now, but I also have to do my own dishes/laundry/cooking, pay my own way {yikes, life is expensive,} and fill my own gas tank. I know that those things don't even compare to the responsibilities that I'll have when I'm living on my own, but it's definitely been an eye opener. It's also made me appreciate how much my parents have done for me over the past eighteen years. 

All seriousness aside, my summer has been filled with many a major milestone. Feast your eyes: 

Milestone 1: I am no longer the lightest shade of foundation in the world. Or at least in Target. 

That's right folks. I've moved up from shade 001 to shade 003. Will Abby ever make it to shade 004? Only time will tell. Also, bronzer. Bronzer may tell too. 

Milestone 2: I bought a lottery ticket. 

Photographic proof.  My good friend Erica and I were feeling particularly bad one day, so we went and gambled with cute little cows.  I won a whole dollar, but I will not be turning it in to receive my money.  I'm planning on framing my only token of teenage wildness, and preserving it for posterity. 

Milestone 3: I discovered the essence of Ernest Hemingway. In Hobby Lobby. 

So apparently you can buy candles that smell like classic authors. {If you're curious, Ernest supposedly smelled like clementines and dove soap -- I was disappointed. I was expecting gunpowder or something awesome like that for the man that wrote A Farewell to Arms.}But seeing this made me wonder what other word ninja's candles would be... What would C.S. Lewis smell like? Zoo exhibits and turkish delight? What about F. Scott Fitzgerald? Sea breeze and daisies? And who knows what scents some modern day authors would possess... I mean c'mon, can you imagine Stephanie Meyers'? I can, and it's not a candle I'd want to have in my house. 

Milestone 4: I've finally learned about time management, and some other stuff. 

It's all good and fine to be busy and responsible, but I've discovered that I'm a lot more pleasant to be around when I've had some quiet time. I'm learning that even though there might be errands to run, homework to do, and meetings to attend, it's okay to set aside thirty minutes a day to relax. Working hard and doing your best is satisfying and rewarding, but sometimes it's necessary for sanity's sake to slow down some. 

I'm also kind of learning that I'm not some horribly inadequate mess up. I'm beginning to find my voice, and other cheesy things like that. I'm kind of learning to really like myself. And it's kind of really awesome feeling. 

Milestone 5: I saw a Pixar movie back to back. 

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It was Despicable Me 2, in 3D. I regret nothing. #yayformaturity

Now where can I get myself one of those dandy chip hats? 

~ Abby

P.S. I actually wrote this at 1 in the morning, while extremely sleep deprived. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors, hard to follow thinking, and misspelled words. Actually, I basically apologize for this entire post. 

why i hate seventeen magazine {a rant}

Friend: "Hey, did you see that article about Ed Sheeran in Seventeen? He's your favorite singer, right?"

Me: "Yes he is. But I haven't read the article... I've never actually even opened an issue of Seventeen before."

Friend: "WHAT?! You haven't?! Girl, you need to pick up a copy sometime -- you'd love it."

Me: "...All right?"

Before the above conversation took place, I had never even thought about reading a teen magazine. I had zero interest in them. But last week I went against my better judgement and picked up two back issues at the library -- I mean, I'm only going to be seventeen for a few more weeks, right? Reading this magazine is like a rite of passage or something, and it was one I was determined to experience.

I opened the magazine with low expectations,  but what I saw surpassed them -- and not in a good way.

There were makeup and hair tips, shallow dating articles, and ads for overpriced products. No surprise there. But what did surprise me was how close it teetered over the edge of vulgarity at times. One article gave advice on "hooking up" and another smaller one praised the book 50 Shades of Grey. And I calculated that the average price of the products they were advertising was $65. What the what?!

Granted, there was some good material; mostly about loving your body type, etc. But the trashiness of the remainder of the content completely obliterated anything positive. Seventeen, do you really think that some self-conscious 14 year old is going to listen to you tell her that she's beautiful just way she is when your cover model looks like this:

Holy crap, what teenager naturally looks like this? Oh wait, NONE OF THEM. 

Because I'm pretty sure that she won't. 

After I was done being thoroughly disgusted, I did a little research on the history of the magazine. What I found shocked me: the magazine was actually originally started to improve the minds of young women. {Fancy that!} Issues included knitting patterns, literature {fun fact: Sylvia Plath was first published in Seventeen in the 1950's,}and lessons on modern art. They even had whole issues dedicated to encouraging young women to support the war effort during WWII. Again, what the what?!

The cover of the June 1950 issue. {It's a letter encouraging American girls to buy war bonds to "hasten the victory".} 

I think I like the original version of Seventeen better. 

And I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one. 

~ Abby

Sources: 

Two back issues of Seventeen {February 2013 + March/April 2013}

http://www.seventeen.com/fun/articles/65th-anniversary-cover-archive#slide-3

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventeen_(magazine)

p.s. Seventeen, I understand that your target audience is empty headed high school girls. But maybe putting in some content that is actually thought stimulating and doesn't immediately reduce the reader's brain to a quivering puddle of mush wouldn't be a bad thing. Seriously though, a lot of us don't give a carrot stick about who Ashley Greene is dating, or whatever that one article was about. I really can't remember, because it wasn't an engaging topic. #sorrynotsorry #offensiverunonsentence 

  

can we talk about north korea for a minute? {serious tuesday}

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EDIT: I actually wrote this over a week ago, and forgot to post. Oopsies. But I'm totes posting it now cause YOLO

I know that North Korea is sort of old hat to some, now that The Boston Marathon incident happened and Justin Beiber visited the Anne Frank House. And to be quite honest, this post is simply the result of ruminating on several melodramatic/snarky comments I've heard from some of my peers over the past few weeks. {I've everything from "OMG when are the Koreans invading" to "ehhhh, let's just nuke them all and get it over with".}

And on a side note, it is totally irrelevant that I am procrastinating big time by writing this. {My first college level final? In 6 hours you say? Pssh, details, details.} 

Anywho, I suppose it's best to start at the beginning. Like how Kim Jong-un is only 29, and struggling to establish his command over North Korea. And how does a young, inexperienced leader prove himself to his country? By threatening to bomb South Korea, as well as the world's largest superpower {America} of course. Duh. 

But in reality, it's most likely just talk. North Korea is teeny compared to the U.S.; we have the military power to completely wipe NK out, and Kim Jong-un knows that -- hopefully. That being said, NK still is a threat since it's such an unstable country, and possesses nuclear weapons. NK is like a child that owns a bazooka. A very young, violent, and angry child. 

 So why don't we just go ahead and bomb them? Wouldn't nipping the problem in the proverbial bud be easier than bothering to put an anti missile base Guam, and moving U.S. destroyers to the western Pacific to monitor missile activity? Well yes, it would.

 But it's easy for us Americans -- who are glued to our Apple products and big macs -- to forget that most of the North Korean population is starving, and well below what we would consider the poverty line. {It's so bad, that approximately 2,500,000 North Korean citizens have died from starvation. Seriously, how is this a thing.}

Currently 200,000 North Koreans have been declared "an enemy of the state" and are being kept in concentration camps. It should be noted that if you are declared an enemy of the state, your ENTIRE FAMILY is also thrown into a Holocaust type concentration camp. And that punishment carries over for THREE GENERATIONS. That means that your children and your children's children grow up in these horrible places, and there's a 25% chance that they won't survive. There are people that were born in and will die in the same camp, because their grandparents sympathized with South Korea during the Korean War. How incredibly insane and horrifying is that?

So is North Korea going to nuke the U.S.? It's unlikely. Should we just go ahead and obliterate NK anyway? Heck no. North Korea is, in simple terms, a nation at the mercy of a corrupt, pig headed government. We should, in my opinion, be trying to help the NK citizens -- not demonizing them.

This post was brought to you by a plethora of ignorant comments that ticked Abby off. Thank you for reading.

~ Abby

Sources {check 'em out, they're pretty cool}:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRTjHJ93UYg
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50136263n
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm-tYxAwVO0
http://freekorea.us/camps/
http://www.businessinsider.com/life-in-north-korea-prison-camp-horror-kim-jong-un-2013-3?op=1

of dating and stuff {a very jumbled sort of rant. kinda.}

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I've noticed a trend in the peoples of my generation, and it's rather disturbing. 

No, it's not my peers' propensity towards knee high converse, Justin Bieber, or the incorrect usage of you're/your. It's something much more sinister. 

I'm talking about lack of self-esteem. 

We as teenagers {especially girls} are constantly told by the media how we should act, look, and dress. We're always being pelted with information on how to be "accepted"; a.k.a how to mindlessly obsess over the same cookie cutter music genres, movies, etc. And somehow being this strange kind of 'normal' involves finding true, perfect love -- in high school no less. 

But that's such a lie. Perfect love doesn't exist. And I think we can all agree that the majority of teenage relationships amount to zilch. But if we all recognize that, then why do so many of my peers go looking for it anyway? 

They do it because they need someone to need them; someone to love them unconditionally. But that's not a quality found in a typical high school relationship, which is why most of them crash and burn. This is because most teenagers initiate relationships for all of the wrong reasons. A relationship built on pure feelings {lust, selfishness, and a desire for a particular social status} will not last long. 

And let's face it, many of us date just to date. Or because we have a huge, angsty black hole in us that {we think} can only be filled by the attention from a member of the opposite sex. But that kind of thinking is extremely damaging, and can lead to a series of broken, painful dead end relationships. 

So is there any hope for a teen to actually have a positive relationship? You bet! 

But first you have to fix your self-esteem. I know, easier said than done. But you are of infinite worth, shaped by an amazing Creator -- so really, there's no need to feel insecure! *insert cheesy Bruno Mars song lyric here* 

Lastly, you need to be a friend. Instant attraction is thrilling, but it usually fades as quickly as it comes. And when it does fade, how will you ever relate to that person again if your 'love' for them wasn't built on a solid friendship? 

And I know this all sounds very preachy and boring. But can you imagine all the awkward situations, confusion, and hurt feelings you'll be saving yourself if you don't date needlessly? Especially if your boyfriend/girlfriend/love interest gets together with someone else. o.O

via

What's that? Psssh, no, I totally cannot relate to the above image. Haha. lol. *whistles innocently* 

~ Abby 

p.s. the above opinions come from the mind of a cynical 17 year old who has had very bad experiences with boys and 'love'. therefore this post may be very biased. therefore you should probably just ignore it. yeah.

nostalgia

This pretty much sums up exactly how I've been feeling lately. Honestly, I'm just done with high school. I'm done with stupid trivial things, and shallow people. I'm done with drama, and cliquish, catty girls. I'm especially done with immature boys, who break my friend's hearts, and want to date us for all of the wrong reasons.

I'm just tired. And I sometimes feel it; a deep ache, all the way down in my bones.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy, laid back person. But I've basically had enough with the majority of my generation. Seriously, some of them make me want to weep for the future of humanity.

I'm just ready to move on, and leave all of it behind -- which I know is good, and natural.

But it makes me really sad. You see, three years ago I was in eighth grade. I was innocent, pure, and my biggest worry was my awkward, frizzy hair. I looked up to high school girls; I marveled at how "together" they seemed. They were poised and stunning; I was gangly and average.

I could not wait to get into high school. I was convinced that 9-12 grade would turn me into "one of those girls", and I would be completely satisfied.

But now I'm a junior, and I'm taking my first college exam tomorrow. And I am not satisfied. I'm already itching to move on to the next phase in my life. Part of that is because high school can really suck, but part of it is my attitude. I need to change that.

I don't want to live chasing the next big thing. I don't want to spend my college years anxiously waiting for graduation. I don't want to spend post-graduation pining away for a husband. I don't want to spend post-marriage waiting for retirement.

I don't want to spend my life waiting -- I want to spend my life doing.

Sometimes dreaming of the future isn't so good, I suppose.

~ Abby

p.s. I know this is kind of a depressing post, but sometimes it's healthy to remember that life is not always made of fairy dust and unicorns.

p.p.s. I feel like I need to apologize for the sporadic posting, and rather random subjects that have popped up around here lately. I also feel as if I should promise that future posts will be more concise/have more of an actual direction. But I can't promise that, because life happens. So if that bothers you, the unfollow button is there for a reason. *ahem*

p.p.p.s. I'm pretty sure that was the longest "p.p.s." in the history of the world. Also, I'm not even sure if there is such a thing as a "p.p.p.s." is it illegal to use such a term in blogland? Will I be fined? I'm just going to go now.

bits 'n' pieces

I was cleaning my room earlier this evening, when I stumbled upon an old shoe box. 

I hadn't seen it since summer, and I eagerly opened it. You see, this particular box is very special to me. All through freshman and sophomore year I stashed little things that reminded me of my favorite moments in it. I fondly referred to it as my 'souvenir box', and pulled it out every once in a while when I was feeling down. Reminiscing about such things made me smile -- even when I was going through something difficult. 

But after almost six months, I didn't really remember what I had in it. 

And what I found inside really wasn't anything extraordinary; I discovered both of my journals from my first two years in high school. Old tickets from movies, plays, recitals, and sporting events past. Pictures galore; including the one above from this past summer. A painted rock, a red pointe shoe, a 4-H tiara. Illegal in class notes from friends. An worn play script from freshman year, and some clippings from when I've made it into the newspaper. Receipts. Ribbons. My first short story.

They were all just little bits of things, but looking at them almost brought me to tears for some reason. Each trinket signified something special to me -- a piece from my past. Things I gathered at a time when I felt like life was dragging on. A time when I thought that I'd be fifteen forever. 

And now I'm seventeen; about six months away from being an adult. I've traded Biology homework for SAT preps, and riding my bike for driving a car. Things are moving fast right now, and I sometimes have a hard time thinking about anything other than the future. 

But looking through that box reminded me that "forever is composed of nows". I won't always be able to spend my weekends attending dances and putting off my homework, and I need to enjoy those days when I'm sleepily running to and from dance rehearsals and 4-H fair. Time moves quickly, and I need to take a breath and enjoy the moment.

After all, it won't last forever. 

Much love, 

~ Abby

on originality

[ Forward: I am not in anyway talking about any writer other than myself. This is just something that I've noticed happening in the past with my own scribblings, and it needs to come to an end. Now. ]

I think that I really conformed with my blogging style in the past. I guess that I subconsciously thought I had to stay within a little 'box' for my blog to be successful; i.e. always have nostalgic pictures, perfect discussions about how lovely life is, and a perfect overload of adjectives. 

But that's not real. Or original. My life isn't always lovely, my writing style isn't actually like that, and to be quite frank, I am too lazy ADD to spend 50 hours a week editing photos. {The little sarcastic voice in my head is yelling enthusiastically "ain't nobody got time for that!"}

And looking back, the only posts that I still actually like are the ones that were a bit odd -- the ones that allowed my personality to come through. {Such as this, this, and this.} And to be honest, I think it's more enjoyable to read quirky blogs, like this, this, and this. {I am saying "this" a lot. I shall stop this madness.} 

So, I am going to start writing more quirkily; more like me. Which is also why I was feeling like it was time to change my webloggity around a bit -- thus the new name. 

Dictionary.com how I love thee.

That's what I want this to be: quirky, and maybe slightly peculiar. I want my writing to reflect who I am -- not what is popular and lovely. 

So hi. I'm Abby, and I'm going to write about whatever the heck I want. Google and honey badgers alike! 

They can be quite scary, can't they?

~ Abby

of thanksgiving, thanks, and other thankful stuff

The view from my bedroom window, on a misty November morning. 

I am thankful that I had a whole week off of school. My brain was becoming a swirling vortex of equations, anatomy definitions, and Spanish verbs.

I'm thankful for my Grandma and my Aunts. I'm also thankful for our traditional night-before-Thanksgiving shopping trip. {Black Friday shopping is just too mainstream.}

I'm thankful for my extended family; especially for all of my epic cousins. Even though we're all in our late teens, we still play hide and go seek and watch Christmas movies together. {Growing up is also just too mainstream. ;)}

I am thankful for my brother, who watched movies, played minecraft, and drank alarmingly large amounts of hot chocolate with me while I was sick.  He also sat on the couch with me for two days while I coughed my head off. Yeah, he's pretty much the best brother ever. :) 

I am thankful for college basketball games and dance offs with friends. 

I am thankful for late nights and green pants. 

I am thankful for this post, and this verse. 

I am thankful for music -- mainly Ed Sheeran. 

I am thankful for lunch and movie dates. 

I am thankful for tea.

I am thankful. 

~ Abby

of trying new things {aka sap fest}

My team. 

At the beginning of 2012, my new year's resolution was to not let any opportunity pass me by, and to experience as many new things as possible. 

That was before a couple of friends of mine asked me if I'd be interested in playing on the girl's high school soccer team. 

You see, it wasn't that I didn't want to play; I was just kind of stressed out just by the mere thought returning to it. I had played all through elementary, and most of middle school. That, however, is nothing compared to playing at a high school level. Basically, I was intimidated. A lot.

But, I decided to do it. I didn't want to pass it up, and then regret it later. Cleats were purchased, and jerseys ordered.

It was hard work. I'm a pretty physically fit person, but taking a year off of dance/pretty much any excercise really took its toll. Plus, I started the season off with a really bad infection in my lungs, (they were filled with fluid,) which made it painful to breath.

I was beyond discouraged. I threw up at a game, I was so sick. I even cried once or twice, and if you know me, I never cry.

I stuck with it though. I ran and practiced at home. I eventually got over the lung thing. And by the end of the season, I was in love with my team -- as well as the sport.

I'm so glad that I tried it. My team was so incredibly encouraging, and helpful. One of them said that playing with these girls was "like gaining 12 new best friends." I love each and every one of them; and I feel like we all really pulled together and got to know each other -- especially in the last month or so. 

But the most important thing I learned from the entire season was this: sticking to your commitments, working hard, and trying your best will always pay off in some way. And passing up a new experience is {almost} never cool. 

Off to go visit with my soul mate {the treadmill :P}, 

~ Abby

time flies

 

Well, I've had this blog for exactly a year now.

 

Seriously, the fact that I've stuck with something like this is pretty amazing. I'm so glad that I started blogging though. It's great to be able to look at my old entries and photos and seeing how much things have changed in a year; even though some (most actually) of my posts are pretty embarrassing now.

 

A year ago today I was stressing out about taking the PSAT for the first time, preparing to go to my first high school dance, and flashing around my shiny new learner's permit. Since then I've survived chemistry (relatively) unscathed, gotten my license (hello freedom), made a ton of new friends, and experienced and tried so many new things.

 

It's crazy to think about, but by this time next year, I'll be filling out applications for college.

 

A year ago I couldn't wait for time to pass, for high school to finish. And while I'm still looking forward to that, I'm pretty content with my life right now. I feel very, very blessed.

 

Before I conclude this little ramble, I want to thank my followers. (Geez, 41 of you!!!) When I started blogging, I never actually thought that I'd have any followers, so that aspect has been amazing.

 

Well, I'm off to do Spanish homework, and to write a letter to a lovely friend of mine. (Who might in fact, be reading this right now... :)

 

Time flies,

 

Abby

 

 

september challenge + a LONG ramble

 

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I have been attacked by the creativity monster.

 

I think it began at the end of the last school year. The monsterous beast reared it's ugly head during finals week, and sucked me into it's treacherous clutches. I was sleep deprived, irritable, and pretty much running on straight coffee. (Apparently it's a side effect of taking enough classes to equal almost two full years of highschool in one.) Throw in some relationship issues, and a mounting pressure to live up to some unrealistic standards, and you had one stressed out teen. Writing of any sort, let alone blogging, was not a priority.

 

Then the summer came, and the monster tightened it's fatal grip. I was under summer's sleepy spell, and I had zero motivation to do anything productive whatsoever. If it wasn't  necessary, and wasn't a 4-H project, it mouldered untouched, in some dark corner somewhere. (Not something I'm proud of, but I'm trying to be honest here.)

 

Months passed, and I did not write anything of signifigance.

 

Not a journal entry, not a short story, not a blog post.

 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely wrote; just not anything worth reading. What little I accomplished was done so half heartedly, and was therefore uninteresting. And it just wasn't my writing voice that was lacking enthusiasm; I was apethetic, and having a hard time finding the motivation to do things that I normally really enjoyed -- things like dancing, photography, etc.

 

Then I had a very important (internal) conversation with myself. It went a little something like this:

 

"Self, you need to get it together. You need to roundhouse kick that creativity killing, motivation sucking monster in the face, and show it who's boss. What are you waiting for?! Pick up your pencil, your camera, your jazz shoes. Goest thou forth and conquer!!!"

 

And what did I say back to this wise, strongly opinionated, and somewhat violent version of myself?

 

"Okay."

 

Profound, I know. But it brings me to my point: you are only as (un)productive or (un)sucessful as you allow yourself to be.

 

"The secret to getting ahead, is getting started."

-- Mark Twain

 

So let's get started with the challenge, shall we?

 

September Challenge (a.k.a The I Want My Creativity Back Plan):

 

1) Spend time with The Creator each morning

 

2) Do not overlook the beauty of the ordinary

 

3) Take each day at a time

 

4) Give up the internet for a week

 

As of midnight tonight, I will begin number four. I'm not on the internet a ton, but it can be a major distraction. So for me personally, I will not be on blogger, twitter, tumblr, or any social networking at all until next Wednesday. (For my friends who read this, I will also not be responding to texts.) I am hoping that this will give me extra time to spend doing productive things, and refreshing to boot.

 

Until next week,

 

~ Abby

 

p.s. I really really hope that no one thinks I am crazy after reading this post. I promise, I am at least somewhat sane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



learning, growing, changing.

Photo credit: My friend Jana. Expression courtesy of the broken floorboards I thought I was about to fall through. ;)

I am learning a lot. I mean, a lot.

This past year, (especially this summer,) has been a huge growing period for me. I have learned so very much about relationships, myself, and just life in general. I have found that people never really stay the same -- we are always learning, growing, changing. I look back on myself even a month or two ago, and I am almost shocked at my naivete.

I feel like I've experienced so much, well, life -- especially this summer. I know, I know, I am only seventeen years old, practically a baby. But I feel like every single day has brought about a new experience, which in turn develops and grows my character. I am nowhere near the person I was at sixteen, and I am significantly different from who I was even two months ago.

I am so thankful for this though. I am wiser, I am stronger, I am more confident. I am more me.

I have had my heart broken, then put back together. I have said goodbye to one amazing friend, and hello to a new one. New experiences and opportunities are arising everywhere I look. Life for me is changing, and almost faster than I can keep up with it.

Now, I hope this doesn't sound narcissistic. I am still an immature, silly teenager. I'm sure that I'll look back on this post a year from now, and practically roll my eyes at the irony of it all. God still has an incredibly long way to go when it comes to refining my 'rough spots'.

But really, this year has been amazing, and I cannot wait to see what the next year holds.

So junior year, come at me bro.

~ Abby

p.s. Sorry for the long blogging break! I promise though, I have a lot of new stuff planned, so keep checking back. :) 

a girl called amy

{photo via weheartit}

I met someone the other day. Someone who caused me to really stop and think about a few things.

No, it wasn’t a boy. Nor was it some strange fortune teller that bestowed age old wisdom upon me.

It was a little girl. Her name was Amy.

She was bouncy and happy and innocent. {Think Ramona Quimby people.}  She plopped herself down next to me, a complete and total stranger, and told me that I had “pretty hair.” I asked her what her name was, and after she introduced herself, she asked me to push her on a swing. {Did I mention that we were at a park?} After she was done swinging, she thanked me, and then raced off.

When she left with her grandparents about two hours later, she skipped over to me, and said goodbye.

“What’s your name again?” She asked, a quizzical look spreading across her face.

“Abigail.” I replied.

“Oh, I like it. It’s pretty.”

“Thank you, your name is very pretty too.”

And with that, she took her grandpa’s hand, swinging it as she walked with him to the car.

As she left, I was almost in awe of how innocent she was. Here was a six-ish girl, who’s biggest concern in life was probably when she’d lose her first tooth. She was not self-conscious, and felt comfortable enough to sit by a strange teenager, and compliment said teen on her hair.

I shudder when I think of what she’ll be going through in ten years from now. She’ll no longer be the same naive, sweet little girl. She will either become a part of, or have to navigate through all the drama crap that comes with high school. She’ll be faced with the pressure to have a boyfriend, and submerged in a society that is constantly telling her that she is not good enough.

And it’s likely that most of her female peers will be “confirming” the lies that society will be telling her:

You’re not pretty enough. You’re fat. Who could ever like you?

Not that they will say such things directly to her, necessarily. After all, that’s not how the ‘mean girls’ work, now is it? No, of course not. After all, destroying a girl’s self-esteem is harder when looking her in the eye, and generally not considered socially acceptable. It’s  sneakily done behind the girl’s back -- through gossip, exclusion, and slander. A little dig here, a little dig there.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know many, many girls who are not in any way ‘catty.’ In fact, I have the privilege to know many ‘drama free,’ mature, and thoughtful girls.

But that doesn’t seem to erase the fact that we {girls} seem to have a problem. Why can we be so quick to tear each other down? Are we so insecure and consumed with jealousy that we must build ourselves up by destroying someone else? Is it the drive for male attention? Do we really envy what other girls have that much?

Honestly, I’m not sure. It’s probably a combined force of both reasons, plus many others. But does that justify our actions? No, of course not.

Now, I wish that this wasn’t the case. I wish that our gender didn’t feel the need for a proverbial ‘pecking order,’ and I wish that there would cease to be competition between everyone. Unfortunately though, that is not possible. As one of my favorite books so elegantly puts it; “the world is not a wish granting factory.” We don’t always get what we want. In fact, more often than not, we don’t. Life isn’t fair.

But what do you do if you find yourself the victim of cattiness? Ready for some amazing, life-changing advice? {I hope you sense the sarcasm. :P} Simply be yourself. Shrug it off, be confident, and go about your business. I know it might hurt now, but it’s probably not worth retaliating. And trust me, responding with kindness is much more effective. Just keep calm and carry on.

And if you are the ‘mean girl’ then please take this to heart: You. Are. Beautiful. You have no reason to be jealous of or feel threatened by any other girl. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Remember Amy? Let’s try to keep her sweet and innocent for as long as possible.

~ Abby

rough days

image courtesy of weheartit

Ugh. I seriously told myself that I would never do this, that I would never really talk about my private feelings on this blog. This has been my happy place, my little spot on the internet where I can focus on the brighter side of life. I'm not saying that I'm not optimistic in real life, I really am. But writing on here sometimes refocuses things for me, and cheers me up if I'm having a rough day.

Honestly though, I don't feel like writing like I normally do. I've had an extremely hard week, like one I've never had before. I'm not going to go into any detail, but let's just say that it's been a rather long series of unfortunate events. {And on a side note, did anyone ever read those books as a kid? Lemony Snicket reference for the win!}

I feel empty, defeated. Fake too. Fake because I put on a smile, and tell everyone - even my family - that I'm just fine. I've never been one to cry or truly break down; I can count on one hand the total amount of times I have seriously cried in front of people. And I hate that. I hate that it's difficult for me to share my feelings.

But I'm going to change that, or at least try to. I want to be more open and honest. And quite frankly, I'm tired of being the strong one, the example. It's wearing me out.

So here's to new beginnings. But please, can I just sleep for a week first?

~ Abby

p.s. This post is rather depressing, I know. But never fear, I have a few posts scheduled to go up throughout this week. I think I need to take a break from writing for a bit.

like butterfly wings

image courtesy of weheartit

I was out for a walk earlier this week, listening to my ipod, and enjoying the scent of spring. The butterflies were particularly appreciative of the flowers; they flitted from blossom to blossom, the sunshine illuminating their painted wings. As I watched the butterflies, a thought crossed my mind. Maybe it's silly, but I wanted to share it.

A butterfly's wings and a girl's heart seem to share many similarities; both posses a vibrant beauty, and are full of life. But what happens if a butterfly's wings are handled roughly? Their color will fade, and they may break or tear. If the butterfly is continually mistreated, it's wings may lose pigment completely, and the creature might even lose it's ability to fly.

The same kind of concept applies to girls. A girl who does not guard her heart may {perhaps even unknowingly,} give pieces of her heart away to many boys. The problem with this is that once you give away even a small sliver of your heart away, you never truly get it back. If a girl continues like this, the beauty of her heart will greatly diminish; by the time her wedding day arrives she may not be able to present her husband with a thing of delicate beauty -- only a heart that is a fraction of what it once was.

So is waiting for "the right one" really so old fashioned? Why do teenaged girls feel the need to rush into love? It's because we want to feel wanted. I know I do. But while I watched the butterflies' wings flutter that afternoon, I realized that I'm content to wait for love. Why? The answer is quite simple. I want to present him with an untouched beauty, a heart unmarred by past relationships.

Because really, that's the most precious thing I have to offer.

~ Abby

p.s. Besides, isn't the thought of someone saving himself for a future with you amazing? I think so. :)

and the rain fell

"Life is hard, but so very beautiful."

- Unknown

That quote has really resonated with me lately. I have a couple of different friends that have been going through some rough times, and I have honestly felt at a loss of how to help, how to be there for them. In addition, I have also been struggling with several things, and have really just felt empty.



I mean, I've just been rather depressed. It's hard to see your friends hurting, and not knowing what you should say -- not knowing what words will bring them healing. It's even harder when you're hurting yourself, and then you ache for them on top of that.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Over the past few days, that verse has brought me comfort beyond words. Knowing that I can trust in His infinite wisdom has brought me immeasurable peace. I know that if I keep trusting in Him, things will all turn out, and healing will come.

"So baby hold on, just another day or two. I can see the clouds are moving faster now, and the sun is breaking through."

- "Hold On" by TobyMac

This is an amazing, amazing song. This particular verse kind of spoke to me last night, reminding me that no matter how hard the rain falls, the sun will always eventually break through.

All of those words have been so comforting to me. But I feel as if I should stop rambling now. :)

~ Abby

Valentines day

Valentine's Day.

 One of the most hated and  loved holidays in our society.

You see, you can look at this holiday in three different ways. The first way being The Young Child View, in which you see this joyous occasion as an opportunity to make cards out of construction paper, to dress in red and white, and to eat those cute yet disgustingly chalky heart shaped candies. The second way Valentine's day can be viewed with is The Twitterpainted View. If you have The Twitterpainted View, you can probably look forward to being showered with chocolate, flowers, and the like. But the third view is probably what quite a few teenagers and young adults see Valentine's Day with: The Single's View.

For a lot of people, tomorrow will be a day of loneliness. Of being reminded that you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Of watching happy {twitterpainted} couples enjoy each other's company.

And what does society generally have to say about those who are single?

You must not be worthy of being loved.

Our culture puts a lot of pressure on people {especially teen girls} to constantly be in a 'relationship'. If you do not have a boyfriend, there is almost always that underlying feeling of inadequacy. You are not beautiful unless a guy thinks you are attractive, and you are not witty unless a guy tells you that you are funny. You most definitely are not good enough to be loved, that is, unless a guy pursues you.

But that kind of thinking is completely and totally wrong. You. Are. Beautiful. God created you with a specific purpose in mind, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are one of a kind, extraordinary and unique in your own way, and you don't need a guy to prove it.

So even if you are single this Valentine's Day, don't be depressed. Valentines Day is a wonderous holiday that gives you the freedom to consume large amounts of chocolate and watch Disney movies without shame. Do not judge me for writing that sentence.

As for me, I shall be re-watching Tangled as I wait for my future best friend. Because really, waiting to have a relationship with someone you truly love will make it so much more special.

Happy Valentine's Day. :)

~ Abby

Silent night

As I’m writing this, I’m sitting in the glow of the Christmas tree, enjoying the silence. All the kids have been tucked into bed, and are no doubt now dreaming about tomorrow morning. I’m sure I will be woken quite early by the excited squeals of my sibilings, but for now, I am delighted by the peace of the moment.

The presents are wrapped and under the tree.

The littles have lovingly laid out cookies and a glass of milk for Santa.

It is Christmas Eve, the most magical night of the year. But the gifts and sweets are not what makes tonight so enchanting for me. The real beauty of Christmas is the birth of my Lord.

If you listen, you can almost hear it; the waiting. Tonight is the night that the world is filled with a quiet anticipation; the night that joyfully proclaims the coming of my Savior.

And that, is what makes tonight so magnificent.

Merry Christmas,

~ Abby