nostalgia

This pretty much sums up exactly how I've been feeling lately. Honestly, I'm just done with high school. I'm done with stupid trivial things, and shallow people. I'm done with drama, and cliquish, catty girls. I'm especially done with immature boys, who break my friend's hearts, and want to date us for all of the wrong reasons.

I'm just tired. And I sometimes feel it; a deep ache, all the way down in my bones.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy, laid back person. But I've basically had enough with the majority of my generation. Seriously, some of them make me want to weep for the future of humanity.

I'm just ready to move on, and leave all of it behind -- which I know is good, and natural.

But it makes me really sad. You see, three years ago I was in eighth grade. I was innocent, pure, and my biggest worry was my awkward, frizzy hair. I looked up to high school girls; I marveled at how "together" they seemed. They were poised and stunning; I was gangly and average.

I could not wait to get into high school. I was convinced that 9-12 grade would turn me into "one of those girls", and I would be completely satisfied.

But now I'm a junior, and I'm taking my first college exam tomorrow. And I am not satisfied. I'm already itching to move on to the next phase in my life. Part of that is because high school can really suck, but part of it is my attitude. I need to change that.

I don't want to live chasing the next big thing. I don't want to spend my college years anxiously waiting for graduation. I don't want to spend post-graduation pining away for a husband. I don't want to spend post-marriage waiting for retirement.

I don't want to spend my life waiting -- I want to spend my life doing.

Sometimes dreaming of the future isn't so good, I suppose.

~ Abby

p.s. I know this is kind of a depressing post, but sometimes it's healthy to remember that life is not always made of fairy dust and unicorns.

p.p.s. I feel like I need to apologize for the sporadic posting, and rather random subjects that have popped up around here lately. I also feel as if I should promise that future posts will be more concise/have more of an actual direction. But I can't promise that, because life happens. So if that bothers you, the unfollow button is there for a reason. *ahem*

p.p.p.s. I'm pretty sure that was the longest "p.p.s." in the history of the world. Also, I'm not even sure if there is such a thing as a "p.p.p.s." is it illegal to use such a term in blogland? Will I be fined? I'm just going to go now.

rough days

image courtesy of weheartit

Ugh. I seriously told myself that I would never do this, that I would never really talk about my private feelings on this blog. This has been my happy place, my little spot on the internet where I can focus on the brighter side of life. I'm not saying that I'm not optimistic in real life, I really am. But writing on here sometimes refocuses things for me, and cheers me up if I'm having a rough day.

Honestly though, I don't feel like writing like I normally do. I've had an extremely hard week, like one I've never had before. I'm not going to go into any detail, but let's just say that it's been a rather long series of unfortunate events. {And on a side note, did anyone ever read those books as a kid? Lemony Snicket reference for the win!}

I feel empty, defeated. Fake too. Fake because I put on a smile, and tell everyone - even my family - that I'm just fine. I've never been one to cry or truly break down; I can count on one hand the total amount of times I have seriously cried in front of people. And I hate that. I hate that it's difficult for me to share my feelings.

But I'm going to change that, or at least try to. I want to be more open and honest. And quite frankly, I'm tired of being the strong one, the example. It's wearing me out.

So here's to new beginnings. But please, can I just sleep for a week first?

~ Abby

p.s. This post is rather depressing, I know. But never fear, I have a few posts scheduled to go up throughout this week. I think I need to take a break from writing for a bit.